Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize