Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
