hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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