bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
