she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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