Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
