I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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