Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
