uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
