Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
