I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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