He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
