Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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