I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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