She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
