haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
