I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
