I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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