I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize