I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
