I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
