i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
