so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
