: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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