you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize