ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
