You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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