Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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