Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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