before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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