it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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