I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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