I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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