roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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