The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
