so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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