pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
