I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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