You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
