elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
