What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
