Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
