Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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