He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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