Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
