No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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