We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
