You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
