thus making me awesome and them whores
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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