I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
