I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
