We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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