I showed him my bush... on skype.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize