i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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