Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
