i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
