drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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