you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
