dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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