My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
