dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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