Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
