I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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