Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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