Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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