Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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