I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize