Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
