I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
