You're completely useless in the revolution.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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