ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
