They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
