do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
