Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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