so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
foreskin is a definite game changer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
