you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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