Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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