grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
