yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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