You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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