I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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